Dissertation Guilt

I have to stop doing this to myself! I work for hours on end and then I feel incredibly guilty for stopping...even though it (supposedly) is spring break and it is after 10:00 p.m. at night.

But my angst goes beyond this. I mean, this morning I spent some time with my mom, and, instead of enjoying our outing, I had to keep forcing myself to stop thinking about the dissertation and writing and research and what I needed to do. It is a miserable way to exist. And anytime I am not working on it, I feel guilty or that I am lazy or something. This is totally irrational because I devote time every day to dissertation work, even if I am just reading a couple of things or making notes.

So, now I am exhausted, feeling down about the whole thing even though I know that I am making good progress. I guess this is just normal. But I do worry that at the end of the day, when all of this is finished, I will have to learn how to live life again.

And, in saying those words, I feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way. Because just look at the people in Japan. Or in any other part of the world that is devastated by any number of things. Or at people suffering in any way. I really should just be quiet about it all, I guess.


Hanners said…
I feel the same way, only on a smaller level because, you know, the thesis is smaller than the diss. But I find I work better when I give myself a little time now and then to guiltlessly have fun.
Susie said…
Ugh. Hannah, I know you are right. I just don't know why it is getting harder and harder for me to do that. And the thesis is no small thing. I try to look at each day individually, but I so easily become obsessed with it that I carry it all into the rest of my life...and that really isn't healthy...because I become one of those really boring people. Anyway, the blog kind of saves my life. It is a place to have fun and just write about anything crazy or funny. Thanks for "listening"!

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